At some stage of our life we have invested our time serving others, giving our lives to others, taking care of others, vigilant that others have everything they need and it is possible that we have even forgotten ourselves and our own needs more basic.
But there comes a time in life when that care, that attention and that service are not necessary or are not required, or perhaps, we are no longer able to continue with the usual rhythm of delivery and that is when we can come to think … now they will give me the care or attention obviously required by me. And it happens that it is not like that …
Either you have become accustomed to being so aware of others that you are not able to pay attention to yourself, or it happens that others have become so used to your availability and dedication that they come to think that you do not need anything, or anyone.
This reflection takes me to another line of thought… and I observe how many people live, wrapped up in their world or in their affairs, without paying attention to what is happening around them, in their same circle.
It is very common to find people who do not think about the other, who live for themselves and fail to perceive loneliness, illness, frustration, the need of the other. It is possible that this behavior is not on purpose, perhaps they do not even realize the damage and disappointment they cause to others, who hoped to share life with another person, especially with those who are by their side or with whom they are supposed to be more available.
A person closed in on himself (whatever, comfort, insensitivity or inability to relate) can end up hurting those around him, especially those closest to him, who are concerned about his secrecy, because sometimes communication is minimal or not given, it is not known what he thinks or what he feels and at any moment he could surprise with unknown or unexpected behaviors.
But the point is not how much we have given our lives, or how much attention we might need from others, or how long others live locked up in their “little world.” It is about the expectations that we create for ourselves from our dedication, from our limitations and needs or from a relationship that we understood was reciprocal. If I give what I am and if I live as I am, without intending reciprocity in that delivery, then I do not expect anything from anyone and thus no one disappoints me, if I do not create expectations in relation to the other person or certain events, there is no failure and their behavior does not hurt me, because people do not fail us, the expectations of them that we have created fail. If we do not have a pattern of behavior or established schemas for others, then we will be more tolerant, less frustrated and happier.
I often repeat this phrase that they once told me and it marked my life in terms of the expectations that we create for ourselves: “Do not expect anything from anyone, but God”, because from God we receive every gift or gift and if we value it we learn about Gratuity: to love without expecting love, to give without expecting reward, to listen without waiting to be heard, to build peace in the midst of war, to give life without the apparent fruits, with the assurance that the purpose of God for our lives is always fulfilled. Here I point out that we must make the difference between expectations and purpose or objective; I know where I want to go (purpose) but the variables (expectations) involved in the journey to reach the goal are very diverse and will not necessarily work as I indicate.
Let us put our plans and projects, our needs and desires, only in the hands of God and with our eyes fixed on Him, let us let go of all expectations, all “should be”, all control, let us live each day in gratuitousness and in amazement and so on. We will learn to be grateful for everything we receive and enjoy in the present day, we will see what it will be tomorrow, let’s not limit the future.